Tomorrow is Orange Wednesday at Ioannis’ house; we shall watch ‘Touching the Void’ over bowls of Spag Bog*. Touching the void reminds me of two things:

a) The first time I met Simon at Rayk’s birthday party, when I told him about “Touching the void” and he thought I was talking about “touching the boys”.

After clarifying his mistake, we went on to bond over “Shaving Ryan’s Privates”, “Batman in Robin”, “Diddle-her on the roof”, “Forrest Hump”, “The Loin King”, “Glad-he-ate-her”, “Inspect-her Gadget”, “Saturday Night Beaver” and of course ”The Empire Strikes from the Back”.

b) Boney M. Specifically their song “Brown Girl in the Ring”. This comes about because as anyone who’s seen the film knows, when the protagonist of the film is lying broken at the foot of the glacier expecting to die at any moment, he tells us of how this song kept running through his head and how he though “Oh no! I’m gonna die to the sound of Boney M”. I have previously mentioned this in my award-winning blog post, Pulitzer Prize and Best Blog on the Internet not winner on the Dalai Lama.

And finally I think blogging can be summed up by today’s quote “If we were not all so interested in ourselves, life would be so uninteresting that none of us would be able to endure it.” – Arthur Schopenhauer.

 

*Spag Bog = Spaghetti Bolognaise

I was reading the comments on Dilbert’s blog when I came across a youtube video showing American soldiers teasing thirsty Iraqi kids, making them run behind a truck for a bottle of water.

You can see it on this link

It just made me angry and then sad.

I’m amazed how few blogs I actually have about music. Especially blogs from Naz The Recommender, who just has to let you imbeciles know what real music is.

I also wonder how it is everybody knows that when you’re told the electrician will visit between 8-12 in the morning, he’ll turn up at approximately 11:45. If at all.

By the way, bacon tea is Lapsung Chowsung or whatever its fancy name is. It smells of smoked bacon. But you knew that didn’t you Ioannis?

I’ve been sitting all morning clearing up my Hotmail account. It’s a funny feeling having your inbox entirely empty!! as I have now. Now I guess I’m sitting waiting to catch internet flies.

My account has been boosted up to 1000MB, most probably because I’m the only lazy sucker left who puts up with their less-than-crap service and user-friendly-NOT design.

It’s quite astonishing when you think about it, how easily I (well, not just I) have access to communications from the past, and how similar in feeling it is to flipping through an old diary. By that I mean one of your own old diaries, and not peeking at someone else’s by the way. Suddenly old friends are brought to mind, old jokes are re-laughed (thanks to Jill and Sky mainly), old hobbies now abandoned that seemed so engaging at the time. I found an oh-so-important .ppt file from MBS that was flavour of the week that er.. week and now lies catching virtual rust. (Do you remember the presentation for I.T. Trends on Nordea, Tinks? The largest Swedish bank? No?? And why would you, I did all the bleeding research!!!!)

And I’m listening to a bizzare collection of songs, thanks to Ioannis.

Air Supply (All out of love), and then Allanah Myles (Black Velvet)

All 4 One (I swear), and then Andre Segovia (Malaguena)

Angel Dust (Black Rain), and then err… Angel Dust again (Bleed)

Bloodhound Gang (Do it like they do on the Discovery channel), and then Blue Oyster Cult (Burnin’ for you)

Had a great time watching ‘Le diner de cons’ with Ioanni, Robert and Ali. We were laughing like nobody’s business!! There were some choice phrases that just read beautifully. I love French films (as well as other European / Independant) because they dare to be different. The simple, well-written plot required no gimmicks, and the dialogue and acting was spot on.

Great!

On a sourer note, I have become aware that somebody seems to be having conversations with some of my web contacts on MSN pretending to be me! I haven’t used MSN in yoinks’ years because I don’t have the tinternet at home, and the library doesn’t allow messaging services. So my advice to everybody out there dying to have words with me is: Pick up the phone. And if somebody is on MSN asking you to do all sorts of perverted things, then that person may not necessarily be me!

Dear e-mail

Unfortuntely, the position of Customer Service Manager has now been
filled internally.

apologise for this.  i will however keep your cv on file to look at in
the future.

Kindest regards,

The XXXXXXXX Team
Manchester

Why would they want to “look at” my c.v. in the future?? Might I have unwittingly produced a work of Modern Art the likes of which you see on telly going for enormous sums of money? 

P.S this is an actual email I received today. I have cut-n-pasted here with no alterations whatsoever.

P.P.S this Stephen Streater guy looks like Ioannis

P.P.P.S which of my dear readers has the 1920 x 1200 screen?

Is it me, or are journalists getting increasingly stupid? I read the Manchester Evening News almost daily because it’s great (= free) and they have a good puzzle section.

Yesterday’s headline was “Outrage as funeral cortege has to pay toll”. The toll in question was 12p, and why should they expect not to pay it, nay be “outraged” that they have to pay the same toll as everybody else just because they’re toting a stiff in the back?

Another “outrage” was about Manchester City Centre’s famous electronic bollards, or “stupid-person catchers”, as I call them. Thanks to Si (who’s back out of hospital fresh as a daisy, I might add) for e-mailing this link showing idiots disobeying the No Entry signs and then being “outraged” when their vehicle gets damaged. Duh!

And then there are the interviewers who, armed with their cameras set out to show how much they know about the situation by asking questions like “Do you think the public will be outraged by this situation because 14.6% have said so in our poll, and given the recent increase in tensions you must be particularly aware of a breakdown of communication that seems to be undermining the process put in place that were so highly commended only late last August by the Lord High Commissioner ?”

They don’t trust the Expert they are interviewing to be clever enough to come up with words describing the situation themselves, so the helpful interviewer only allows them the “Yes” or “No” option. Also is the news more newsier if they are “Live” standing outside some bloody building??

Yossarian is explaining his dreams about fish to Major Sanderson, a psychiatrist.

…”Just why do you think,” he (Major Sanderson) resumed when he had finished, looking up, “that you made those two statements expressing contradictory emotional responses to the fish?”

“I suppose I have an ambivalent attitude toward it”

Major Sanderson sprang up with joy when he heard the words ‘ambivalent attitude.’ “You do understand!” he exclaimed, wringing his hands together ecstatically. “Oh, you can’t imagine how lonely it’s been for me, talking day after day to patients who haven’t the slightest knowledge of psychiatry, trying to cure people who have no real interest in  me or my work! It’s given me such a terrible feeling of inadequacy.” A shadow of anxiety crossed his face. “I can’t seem to shake it.”

“Really?” asked Yossarian, wondering what else to say. “Why do you blame yourself for gaps in the education of others?”

“It’s silly, I know,” Major Sanderson replied with a giddy, involuntary laugh. “But I’ve always depended very heavily on the good opinion of others. I reached puberty a bit later than all the other boys my age, you see, and it’s given me sort of – well, all sorts of problems. I just know I’m going to enjoy discussing them with you. I’m so eager to begin that I’m almost reluctant to digress now to your problem, but I’m afraid I must. Colonel Ferredge would be cross if he knew we were spending all our time on me. I’d like to show you some ink blots now to find out what certain shapes and colours remind you of.”

“You can save yourself the trouble, Doctor. Everything reminds me of sex.”

“Does it?” cried Major Sanderson with delight, as though unable to believe his ears. “Now we’re really getting somewhere! Do you ever have any good sex dreams?”…

I was really scared that my blog was down today, as I couldn’t get through to it. But now I’m not, so it’s ok.

Nothing much to say, no political debate to rave about, no insane snippet of news to roll my eyes over, so I’ll just say a big HELLO to all my international readers out there stalking me, and “Keep sane”.

later: Oh sorry, almost forgot. Sha and I visited Simon in hospital on Saturday. Waited for Tracy and Co. to show up at 5 p.m., but we gave up waiting by 6 p.m. and went in on our own. Hope he’s better now.

And the first incidence of a “web rage attack” has been reported in the newspapers. Someone insulted some other one on the web, and the some other one tracked the someone down and hit him on his own doorstep with a pickaxe handle.

So, “Nemo me impune, lacessit”!!!!

I saw this interesting quote by Herman Hesse on my google page today. 

If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn’t part of ourselves doesn’t disturb us.

And there was an interesting discussion about religion and fashion in Turkey on BBC’s This World programme yesterday. Well, I say it was an interesting discussion, but I was only waiting for the shots of scantily-clad women strutting up and down the catwalk.

Turkey is quite unusual in being at once both secular and striving to join Europe while also retaining strictly conservative elements. I guess I should not comment without going there. But this dichotomy was reflected in the predictions of two entrepreneurs in the garment industry with very different personal beliefs which in turn coloured their business strategy.

One was pious, religious, and predicted a return to Islamic values in Turkish society and to profit from this he had built a new factory to produce garments (including full-length swimwear for ladies) that confirmed to religious standards, or what he interpreted those standards to be anyway.

The other was a young, modern Turk who had inherited a well-known lingerie company and, facing immense price competition from China and Hong Kong, decided to go upmarket with quality goods. He was counting on European attitudes towards undergarments catching on and increasing his sales.

It was a thought-provoking insight into the two sides of Turkey today. I am reminded of a beautiful and powerful German-Turkish film I saw called “Gegen die Wand” which brought up many of the same issues and in which you saw Turkish people trying to come to terms with this same split, as well as other issues.

Watched The Manchurian Candidate yesterday, it was a really engrossing film. Missed England v Holland though. The next game is far away in February!

Nothing much to write about today, so I’ll set my readers a challenge. Can anybody write a song about mozarella to the tune of the great dance-floor favourite “Hey Macarena!” by the pervy Los Del Rio. I’m obviously envisaging something along the lines of “Hey, Mozarella!”, but you can do the rest.

Still reading Catch 22. Two lieutenants are ordered to take Major Danby outside and shoot him.

The two young lieutenants nodded lumpishly and gaped at each other in stunned and flaccid retulance, each waiting for the other to initiate the procedure of taking Major Danby outside and shooting him. Neither had ever taken Major Danby outside and shot him before.

And here’s another good one. Yossarian runs to the hospital with a “liver complaint” whenever he doesn’t feel like flying bombing missions and being shot at.

Yossarian owed his good health to exercise, fresh air, teamwork and good sportsmanship; it was to get away from them all that he had first discovered the hospital.

One company was offering me a “fantastic boneus!” Bone us? Hmmmm……

I saw an article in The Independent recently titled “America’s Worst President”.

Three of the six contributors chose George Dubyah Bush, while the remaining three mentioned some other person, and then spent the entirety of the allocated space explaining why Bush should not be chosen as the worst president.

Yesterday’s Manchester Evening News had this thought by William Hazlitt (1821) – “No man is truly great who is great only in his lifetime. The test of greatness is the page of history.” The same might apply for greatness or unparalleled distinction in any amount of things; idiocy, unworthiness, arrogance, etc.

I have some little-known nuggets of information about other great Americans.

While in term as President, George Washington’s policy towards the Native Americans is clearly demonstrated in this statement:- “The immediate objectives are the total destruction and devastation of their settlements. It will be essential to ruin their crops in the ground and prevent their planting more.”

President Thomas Jefferson said “This unfortunate race, whom we had been taking so much pains to save and to civilize, have by their unexpected desertion and ferocious barbarities justified extermination and now await our decision on their fate,”

whereas President Andrew Jackson believes “They have neither the intelligence, the industry, the moral habits, nor the desire of improvement which are essential to any favourable change in their condition. Established in the midst of another and superior race, and without appreciating the causes of their inferiority or seeking to control them, they must necessarily yield to the force of circumstances and ere long disappear.”

Sounds familiar?

A team of researchers from Manchester University led by Dr. Piers Robinson has found a large bias against critics of the war during the “conflict”.

Dr. Robinson said “Coverage overwhelmingly reflected the official line in the moral case for the war. More than 80% of TV and press stories mirrored the government position, while fewer than 12% challenged it. Most reports did not discuss humanitarian operations at all.”

Meanwhile, in my calendar of forgotten English by Jeffrey Kacirk, I find the word ‘Cooping’, which I thought was the term for barrel-making.

Apparently, it is “Collecting and confining [voters] several days previous to an election in a house or on a vessel hired for the purpose. Here they are treated with good living and liquors, and at a proper day are taken to the polls and “voted, “ as it is called, for the party.” (James Bartlett’s Dictionary of Americanisms, 1877)

Rather dodgy, you might say. But Kacirk says “As Bartlett’s definition suggests, politicians once routinely provided free alcohol to voters, a practice called “treating.” In fact, the lion’s share of George Washington’s recorded election expenses, when he ran for Virginia’s colonial legislature in 1758, went towards the purchase of spirituous liquors used for cooping.”
 

Shasha took Ali and I in her car to ASDA and InStore so Ali could buy some stuff for his new place. We both buckled ourselves in tight, and crossed every crossable part of our body. And we made it there AND back safely. The Gods must have been smiling!!

Naw, she’s not that bad. She’s now a Confident, Mature Young Woman Making Things Happen and Moving Forward In Life.

If one (or many, for that matter) were to ask me which film from a bygone era (though not black-and-white film; I simply don’t see the point when I have colour vision) I would like to sit down and watch in its entirety, it is doubtful whether my memory would have recalled this brilliant film. However, this is precisely the film I should chose if the choice were given me, simply because it is firmly based on a brilliant, engaging plot, and the story-telling is concise while the pace is engrossing. And Edward Fox plays a calm, collected, suave assassin without resorting to any overt theatrics, while Michel Lonsdale’s almost hound-like, plodding Inspector Claude Lebel is wonderful to watch.

My (gorgeous) readers may be more familiar with a more recent remake of this film, that went by the name “Jackal” and had Richard Gere and Sidney Poitier hunting Bruce Willis. And this may well serve admirably as a comparison case; where this hollywood version had shootouts galore, the original Jackal is only shown shooting one person, an unfortunate gendarme, before he is mowed down by his antagonist the Inspector Claude Lebel (and there I ruined the plot for you).

The screenplay was adapted from the book of the same name by Frederick Forsyth, of whom I am a big fan. The film remains truthful to the book, and is much the richer for doing so. And a bit of gratuitous nudity never goes amiss, I daresay. 

Made using a special spicy ‘Laziza Qorma’ sauce bought at Worldwide. Cooked at Ioannis’. Eaten by us. Watched ‘Catch 22′ after that. Then Tinks drops in. Wine aplenty.

Worldwide is a unique oasis; a supermarket that stocks all kinds of great foreign foodstuffs. Indian, West Indian and Caribbean, Middle Eastern, etc. Fresh fruit and vegetables, a butchers at the back that dice chicken exactly the way you want it. And situated right where it is needed, in the multi-cultural (ok, mainly “Asian”) Rusholme.

Badminton has left me with aching muscles again; we (Jill) paid £6.90, which is one hour’s hire charge for one court, and we played on two courts for two-and-a-half hours. There were very few people crazy enough to be at the Sports Centre at 9 a.m. on Saturday.

Yossarian is a bombardier in WWII. Obviously, he’s tired of flying missions and being shot at. He approaches his squadron commander.

“I don’t want to fly milk runs. I don’t want to be in the war anymore.”

“Would you like to see our country lose?” Major Major asked.

“We won’t lose. We’ve got more men, more money and more material. There are ten million men in uniform who could replace me. Some people are getting killed and a lot more are making money and having fun. Let somebody else get killed.” 

“But suppose everybody on our side felt that way.”

“Then I’d certainly be a damned fool to feel any other way. Wouldn’t I?”

This twisted logic is a hallmark of this book. The much-used phrase “catch 22″ comes from the title of this book, and can be understood by reading the excerpt Ioannis has blogged about.

Oh, and a salute to Homer’s “motivational skills”

“Everybody says they have to work harder when I’m around”

Hats off!

I got two visits to my site over this past week (3rd-9th) looking for mega mammaries. Now, I may be wrong, but I don’t recall having written any post relevant to that particular topic. Tell you what, I’ll do a search now.

later Nope, just as I thought. This is the first post dealing with the issue of mega mammaries. (See how I used subterfuge to add the word ‘mega mammaries’ into my blog so people now looking for it will come here. This tactic is similar to the one channels four and five use after 11 p.m. to show naughty clips while pretending to “analyse the life” or “go behind the scenes”. Not that I’m complaining)

Ioannis has written about the Argentinian movie we watched yesterday on his blog, so I needn’t bother. It was called Bombon:El perro. That’s all you need to know. We each had our drug of choice, Ioannis with codeine, Ali with wine, and I with Stella. Plus pizzas on a conveyor-belt.

I updated my Google Analytics to see if my “goals” are being reached. Since I am not a commercial website (apart from tracking all your bank accounts and siphoning money from them in small, unnoticeable amounts) I set my goal as the URL of my “About me” page. Therefore, the aim of my website is now officially to get people interested in ME, so they want to find out more about ME, and they click on the link that goes to the page “About ME”

I’m reading Catch 22 again after Ioannis reminded me of it. You’re going to see loads of quotes from this crazy book in the near future.

Thanks for the CV. Do you have a potfolio of we sites. I look forward to
you’re response…..

…ends up in my e-mail box. Should I even bother to reply? It seems the onus is only upon applicants to make a good impression and check their spelling and grammar.

And here’s a big lie: An add for a “Business Development Executive” says:-

Please note that this is NOT a Sales job. Previous experience of cold calling, telesales, lead generation, Tele-research would be an advantage.

As part of my entertainment quota, I shall give you an interesting article from the BBC about English mixing with Hindi. All of it is true; I used all of these as a kid. And I learnt that Stepney comes from a brand of tyre in Wales.

Had a great time with Attenborough again. This time we were taken to the northern and southern ice caps of our blue ball of a planet. David was continuingly harping on about how climate change will leave all those luvly-wuvly polar bears stranded in the sea with no ice floes to rest on or hunt on. There was even a little scene where an exhausted male polar in hungry desperation was hunting mammoth walruses (walri??) in a futile attempt to get a meal. He eventually got wounded by two huge stabs in his hindquarters that left him practically incapacitated, so he scraped himself a little hole and lay down to die. This scene really moved me as I watched it with the lovely Lulu warm on my lap.

But the best part was where the camera guys in their cabin were getting approached by hungry males. One wasn’t even scared by all the bangs they let off. Another one sneaked up upon them while they were playing a board game and pressed his nose against their cabin window. Remember, this is an animal that routinely punches through solid ice to get to seal lairs (dens??).

Yummy!

 

And here’s a soundbite from New Scientist

“People tend to have urges to procreate in times of extreme situations.”

The head of South Korea’s Institute for Sex Education, Seong Gyeong-won, explains why condom sales have rocketed following North Korea’s nuclear test (Daily Mail, London, 26 October)

Tell me about it!!

According to New Scientist, you can divide a cake between two people such that each of them gets up to 65% of it!

This division is based on the recepients telling the cake-cutter how much they value each part of the cake.

Read about it yourselves in this article ’cause I’m not here to summarise an already-summarised piece, you lazy bums.

 

Yes, something that needs to be discussed almost as much as that other exploration. I am finally back after another episode of relapses, during which I care not to answer the phone, nor actually maintain much contact with anybody. Human contact, I must clarify because the television is always there.

It becomes difficult given such tendencies to maintain relationships, beacuse frankly who wants to have to always make the effort of reaching out?

But I have my best man on the case, and we shall soon find a way to sort this out. I guess.