Yesterday Sha and I went to see An Inconvenient Truth, because we felt we had to do something about global climate this year, and watching a film seemed far easier than actually recycling something.

I said a film, however a more accurate description would be the two films; one on global warming, and the other on Al Gore and how he lost the election to Bush and how he’s a straight guy from the country and almost lost his kid, and his sister died of lung cancer, and what the fuck has that got to do with what I paid money to see? Being American, he can’t resist show-boating, and he seems to merely be one of the first politicians to jump on to the “Global Warming” band wagon, which I predict is soon going to be a huge trend. Band wagon in the sense that they’ll jump on to anything that’ll connect them to the voting public, whether they genuinely care about the issue or not.

Having said that, he clearly has made this presentation many times and does it well, the facts genuinely are scary and clearly stated, if it weren’t for his grand-standing I would’ve called it a great film. A must watch; even if that means you must watch Al Gore. How much better to have left it to David Attenborough (who can do no wrong in mine eyes) to present this. As it is, it leaves one with a contradictory sense of being involved and yet somehow manipulated.

I must say, this is a sub-type of the human race that I wasn’t aware existed. I haven’t really noticed their heaving breaths, their bouncing breasts, and as for those lycra pants…. 

But this article in the BBC says that jogging can lead to sagging breasts in women (presumably in men too; I’m reminded of Homer Simpson discovering the joys of sports bras). Apparently, as a woman runs a mile, her breasts bounce 135 metres. Presumably they take a taxi the rest of the way to catch up with her later. With the average breast weighing 200-300 grams (figures that match independent reseach on my part) this puts a lot of stress on the connecting tissue, leading inevitably to sagging breasts. The solution is to wear a sports bra, preferably made by the company that sponsored this research (do I see a self-interest angle here?).

I’m getting a lot of grief from an insurance company based on the Isle of Man, who are supposed to hand me over some money, but have sent me an email saying that instead of the value of the policy, they’ll only be giving me less than 30% of the amount. The rest is going to be swallowed up by them as “penalty” for me wanting to take my money out!! I was apopleptic with rage!!! So now I’ve written them a complaint, taking care to look up procedures and rights with the Financial Ombudsman and the Financial Services Authority. I’m hoping these big names will get so incensed by the immorality of what these guys did that they’ll send in their hit squad ninja accountants with Heckler & Koch HK Mk23 semi-automatic pocket calculators (with the little solar panel on top to take the drain off the batteries) and audit the fuck out of them. 

My sis has started working as a publicist for a software start-up company called Atlantis based in Bangalore. A typically grandiose name for such things, however I haven’t put a link because I couldn’t find it on the net, which is unusual.

She says “Its my first geek company job. Besides, Im the sixth person to join… so its good fun. I get to hire and fire people too! Great work environment. All the guys have long hair, and ride Bullets! (Editor’s note:- a kind of heavy motorbike, properly called a Royal Enfield Bullet) Muahahahaha! And they’re all weird, which is good. ”

She also says “I was looking through your blog and laughing and my CEO came and sat down and read almost all your posts. He LOVES your blog! He thinks you’re the funniest guy ever! He thinks you’re really cool! Hah! Who’se brother is he after all, me says! Shush! Im busy beaming with pride! ”

 She really uses a lot of smileys!

If you go to the OFCOM website, you can use a sitefinder tool to see where all the mobile phones “cell” bases are. Then you will know. For whatever purpose.

(I love the Internet. It is full of information)

Well that admission in The Times came as a total shock to me. Not the fact, as we knew it to be here in Britain, but the admission. This is really gonna make things sticky for a lot of politicians on both sides of the pond. Ted Honderich mentioned, and I recall, Labour used to claim “Tough on crime, tough on the causes of crime”. Will it use the same adage now with respect to terrorism, and be “tough on terror, tough on the causes of terror”? Then it will have to do some serious self-examination.

Ona related issue, Blair’s in town and there are cops everywhere. I wanted to join the protest marches on the weekend, but I’m more of a “I support you in my thoughts from my armchair” kind of revolutionary. The town centre is nice and quiet without cars. Apart from people shouting and the like.

is the name of a philosopher who was presenting his views on the cause of terrorism yesterday on Channel Five’s programme ‘Don’t get me started’. The main tenet of his thinking are that all of us have a “moral responsibility” thereby arguing that the events of 11/7 in London and other activities can be blamed partly on Western activities in the Middle East. Something I think is quite obvious. However his arguments were put in a wholly philosophical context, which was very refreshing and different to the regular emotion-laden brawls we hear on these issues. He examined what he called “neo-Zionism”, and called some politicians (yes, the famous double act Bush and Blair) “The Real Friends of Terror”. I was really impressed by the content and ideas behind his arguments.

Of course next week there’s going to be the Jewish refutement of this argument, because they can’t allow Western support of Israel to be named as a cause of terrorism.

A Chinese guy was bitten by Gu Gu the Panda in Beijing Zoo. He admitted to having had four jugs of beer before clambering into the enclosure. While attempting to hug the sleeping panda, he got bitten in one leg and then the other. So he retaliated promptly by biting the poor thing in the back. “It’s skin was quite thick”, according to him. He also said he’d seen pandas on telly and (and this is the killer line) “they seemed to get along well with people.”

There’s a great exhibition on at Central Library. Ok, it’s not ‘great’ but very interesting. A selection of some of the front pages of the Independent newspaper from the past 20 years. Funnily enough, Ali was going on about the newspaper just the other day, about how the front pages were cool, and the paper was Independent. I mean not just the name, which is Independent, but actually Independent.

What happened to making funny songs by changing the lyrics like MAD comics used to do? For example, this remake of a song sung to the tune of Wizard of Oz.

“We’re off to see your gizzard, that wonderful gizzard of yours.

Whatever a man may want from his gizzard you’ve got in that gizzard of yours

If ever, oh ever, a gizzard there was that gizzard of yours is one because

because x 5

Because of the wonderful things it does”

Can be sung on any gizzard-related celebrations.

Apparently it cost her $25 Million to risk her life in a Soviet-era Soyuz rocket. Still, I’d go. Space tourism is getting so much more accessible, I’m only about 13,342,600 pounds short. Fingers crossed, if I don’t go down to the pub this month.. You can read more about Anousheh Ansari’s trip to the International Space Station from other sources, so I’ll just give you a link and that’s my job done.

Sad to see United lose to Arsenal yesterday, even with all the big names on the pitch. It was definitely a game I was expecting them to win, and perhaps they were too relaxed as well.

My whole body aches from badminton today; after celebrating Helen’s (my new neighbour’s) birthday on Saturday and my new neighbour (and ex-driving instructor) Ben’s house-warming on Friday-Saturday, I could barely drag myself to the sports centre. But once I get going I enjoy it so much that pain is banished from my mind. I’m paying for it now though, can’t move a muscle, especially the well-hidden ones. Helen’s bf Sam is an untouchable bastard with his left-handed smash, and I think we got some important tips from him to move up a notch. Adam’s started his job in London today, so badminton is going to slip into a new post-Adamic era.

I see ‘business’ practices are returning to their norm in Moscow. Andrei Kozlov and his driver were gunned down outside a sports stadium yesterday. Kozlov (the root of this word is Kozel = Donkey) was a stubborn reformist, and in his position as Deputy Chairman of Russia’s Central Bank was making life difficult for other ‘bankers’ by investigating the tangled knot of Russian banking and trying to introduce transparency and accountability. Two words that Russian ‘bankers’ inevitably have problems pronouncing. Kozlov’s still alive, though the driver wasn’t so lucky.

 P.S. Kozlov’s just died too.

Thanks to Ioannis and Tinks for commenting on the previous post. I deliberately posted the journalist’s view without commentary to see if it made the same sense as it did to me.

Regarding Tinks’ comment, I think it is necessary to draw a line here, albeit a rather sketchy one, between learning from remembering and remembering something for the sake of remembering.

I think it is important for us to remember the World Wars because of the famous adage by Santayana, “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it”. I believe the actions of today should be informed and tempered by our knowledge of the past, and therefore see the necessity for painful reminders of our capacity for violence and brutality.

However, I fail to see any learning involved with the remembrance of the more recent events. I do see a lot of dramatisations of the last minutes of people, and not much analysis paid to the contributing factors and social significance of events. Just a lot of scaremongering. Perhaps not enough time has yet passed for people to dissociate themselves from the emotions and try to approach this more analytically.

This is not quoted verbatim, but is the gist of what a columnist said yesterday on radio (BBC2)

Commemoration and grief are private things, and should not be allowed to be used by politicians to serve their own ends. Since when has it become necessary for newscasters to ‘remember’ what happened? This is not news but a paltry attempt at justifying their desire to show the pictures and wallow in the feeling all over again. It serves no positive purpose.

Today’s word on my ‘Calendar of Forgotten English’ was “Bibliobibuli”. Obviously ‘biblos’ is ‘book’ and the ‘bibuli’ has the same root as ‘imbibe’ I guess. And it is Ali’s argument which he uses when I quote something from a book that he can’t repudiate.

“I know some who are constantly drunk on books, as other men are drunk on whiskey and religion. They wander through this most diverting and stimulating of worlds in a haze, seeing nothing and hearing nothing”.

-H. L. Mencken, 1956

Ok, so after having narrowly survived being mangled by a boy-racer, yesterday I headed off to Ioannis’ to moan about the state of affairs on the roads today. I had decided to report the guy to the police, so I used Ioanni’s Internet connection to look up the nearest station. The police operator had told me that this would be Platt Lane Police Station. And sure enough, the police website http://www.gmp.police.uk/ confirmed this, as well as showing me a handy map to locate it. Imagine my surprise when, after circling the area on my bike for a bit, I’m told by a shopkeeperess (whom I called “mate” because she looked rather boyish) that the police station had been closed down. Evidently the police themselves were unaware of this, so I hope they don’t try to lock criminals up in the library next to it now.

The shopkeeperess, obviously being privy to secret information, told me the nearest station was Greenheys. So I pedalled along on a hot day, intent upon getting this sorted. I arrive at Greenheys to find the station locked up, because it was a Sunday, and criminals don’t do Sundays I suppose. I was starting to swear when I spotted a yellow telephone to be used if the station was locked. So thus I got the chance to listen to a recorded voice for 15 minutes before I got through. To a person who could do no better than to tell me my nearest enquiry desk was in Stretford, or I could “Come the next day”!!

And police figures show crime is going down. I’m sure incidents of crime reported are going down thanks to their handy new prevention measures!!

Almost got ran off my bicycle/death trap on the road today by a “white male driver, age 20-25, in a green hatchback either Rover or Vauxhall, licence number Whiskey – Niner Eight Seven – Tango Charlie Alpha”. I felt very good reporting this to the police in my best C.I.D Detective Inspector voice. Now I’m wondering whether it’s worth the extra effort going to the police station to file a report.
Badminton’s back on!! I’m in a mood to take everybody to the cleaners.

A letter from Zen in the mail today said that they sincerely regret having wasted their time on such an obvious no-candidate like me.

Or as Shasha might call him, ‘Ray LaLasagne’. I just can’t get enough of this man. Ioannis was kind enough to pilfer his second album “‘Til the sun turns black” and burn it on to a CD for me. The second song is called “Empty” and has really burning lyrics in a beautiful melody.

It includes this amazing paragraph.

Well I looked my demons in the eyes, laid bare my chest, said “Do your best to destroy me.

See I’ve been to hell and back so many times I must admit you kind of bore me”.

There’s a lot of things that can kill a man, there’s a lot of ways to die yes and some already did and walk beside me.

There’s a lot of things I don’t understand why so many people lie, it’s the hurt I hide that fuels the fire inside me.

Will it always feel this way?
So empty and estranged.”

Yesterday’s interview at Zen Internet went well, except for the 60-minute test exam I was given with questions like:-

1. In the slash notation what does /24 mean?
a) 255.0.0.0
b) 255.255.0.0
c) 255.255.198.25
d) 255.255.255.255

and

2. In binary what represent the number 130
a) 10010100
b) 11100000
c) 10101000
d) 010001110

(P.S. Computer geeks needn’t tell me that none of the above is actually 130, I have randomly typed in some 1s and 0s to illustrate my point. Although every attempt is made in this blog to report events accurately, even I’m not anal enough to actually look up/work out what 130 is in binary)

There were only 35 of these questions, and being a choice of four means even an idiot should get approx 25%, so I gave it a go. Then I had to describe, in my very own plain, humble words, what latency means in relation to network connections, as well as work out how long it would take to download 650Mbs at 512kbs, assuming theoretical maximum.

Such, and more, horrors aside, I think I did swimmingly!

No, not the death metal group Death, but real and virtual death.

1. Steve Irwin has died filming off the coast off Queensland. He was stung by a stingray straight through the heart.
Well, you can’t say a sudden death by natural causes wasn’t realistically on the cards for him; as my good friends at despair.com remind me, luck only lasts a lifetime if you die young. Odd though, that it was a stingray that got him, because as far as I know they’re not the deadliest of things swarming about on that continent. Although a six inch poisonous barb through the heart will do it for anyone, I guess.
Gone are the days when David Attenborough reluctantly put himself in front of the camera in order for viewers at home to get an idea of the scale of the animals. To him, the animal was the star and anything that detracted from it was to be avoided. Hence the hushed, reverent tone he used. Cut to modern day presenters Steve Irwin, Austin Stevens, etc. hassling and terrifying a poor animal to get the dynamic shots demanded of them, and you realise this can only end in grief. While they may have good intentions of simply photographing the animal, for all intents and purposes the cornered animal is saying his last prayers and either preparing for a final glorious battle to death, or simply curling up and hoping the end won’t be too painful. I’m not blaming these guys; I rather like them and their shows. I’m simply commenting on the state of affairs.

2. Dubyah Bush is going to be assassinated on Channel Four. Shot by a Syrian assassin.
It has provoked the usual outrage that it must have hoped to provoke, but there is an interesting side to how events might pan out following this. Similarly, Frederick Forsyth had written a novel before the 2nd Gulf War about how the presence of Saddam Hussein was not actually unwanted by the West as a stabilising influence, and that there were fears about who would slide in to fill the power vaccuum after he was eliminated. Better the Devil you know..?

I have an interview with Zen Internet on Monday, based in Rochdale, for the job of a Technical Support Consultant. I will be given an hour-long test: multiple-choice, comprehension, problem-solving, etc. Then a one-to-one interview. So fingers crossed. Or should I say, “Employment, here I come!” ? God knows they need me more than I need them.