Once more, I must take my hat off to Autology; it is a blog which I really enjoy reading and (if allowed, which isn’t often) commenting on. I have been lax in my surfing for a while, so all of a sudden I find myself having to catch up on all these interesting things. Go take a look, even if not being allowed to have your tuppence worth does infuriate you :p

I know, I know, I have been away for some time now. This is due to my redoubled efforts at finding myself gainful employment so that I can finally begin contributing to the economy in a meaningful way. These efforts have been mostly in the form of lying on my back, and dreaming of spending the money I am sure to get when I am, by some miracle, employed.

I was always advised to work the crowd with a good joke at the beginning, so they get into the mood. Here’s how Homer accuses Marge of being selfish when she’s not too enthusiastic about his plan for renting her womb to childless parents to make money:-
“It’s uter-US, not uter-YOU!!”
Guaranteed to put a smile on any face.

I watched Amores Perros and Nueve Reinas on DVD, I loved both of them! Amores perros (Love’s a bitch) is very gritty, where as Nueve Reinas (Nine Queens) is a twisting story about two con men in Argentina struggling to make a profit against a backdrop of criminals everywhere. Highlight of both films? They re-united me with some phrases that my South American friends used to use in Moscow, i.e.
chinga tu madre,
joder,
pendejo, etc.

We’re going to get our marks at 3 p.m. Slightly elevated blood pressure, still breathing quite relaxed. I got Iron Maiden’s ‘Killers’ album out from the library, haven’t heard it in ages!!
(Later) Ok, we all passed.

We have our graduation packs. We are invited to take part in a ceremony that honours our acheivements, yet curiously we have to pay for our clothes, which are prescribed to us!! At the cost of £37!! (I’m a notorius tight-ass on this subject, refer to my Chinese Year for info)

I was watching Peep Show yesterday, I like such off-the-wall humour, and the funny camera angles. As usual, right on time comes a quote

“I guess doing things you hate is just part of what you do to avoid loneliness”

He means in particular going round on the rides in an amusement park, but I think this more broadly applies to quite a few things we might hate doing (Oh, the stories I could tell!!)

Jessy and I, like the rest of the EX-students that are still in Manchester, regularly nip into our old Uni, MBS, to use the computers. I especially do this a lot because I’m jobless, the idea being that I can use the Internet to more efficiently find a high-paying job. This is what one of this year’s new students says to us.
I quote almost verbatim

“You guys have finished, right? If I had finished, I wouldn’t be able to come back here. It would be a shame for me to come here”

The sub-text for this quote evidently runs somewhat like this:- “What a bunch of losers you are!”

Sitting in K2 I heard a Greek girl say “Octomber” instead of ‘October’. This reminded me of my good friend from the Moscow Days, Kostas. I wonder if he’s still travelling the islands with Anastacia, tatooing the drifting foreigners, or whether, despite all his efforts, he has been roped into the army and had some discipline drilled into him. I’d be glad for any news about him; we have lost all contact because of our wanderings. Wherever he may be, I wish him all the best, and a comfortable path through life.

My dear friends, let us gather round and spare a few minutes of silent recollection in memory of all those songs that are only half-remembered by the listening public. Top of this list comes a most famous song by The Rembrandts, that goes by the name of ‘Friends’. Another one is ‘God save the Queen’, by…er…. mmm. And also, no-one remembers the second stanza of Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer either.

I came across a most wonderful Swedish saying:- Battre lite skit i hornet an ett rent helvete.

Watching Adam-Hart Davis at work again today on the UK TV History channel. This was the episode about Greek inventions again. I find it absolutely amazing what some people came up with, not having the unfortunate luck of being born in a modern, done-it-all-before society. I was mighty impressed by Archimedes, who not only is regarded as the greatest mathematician of all time before Newton came along, but also seems to have been a rather impressive and original performer in the bedroom sweepstakes, for which he has a special style named after him; namely the Archimedes Screw.
Thousand apologies, but I just couldn’t resist that one J

But I was disturbed watching ‘Life and Death in Rome’, and not because of any graphic descriptions, for I well know that man does amazing (not necessarily a flattering adjective) things under duress. Here historians were quite blithely speaking on camera about how modern-day America was similar to the Romans in respect to the way they dealt with rogue states. Although I suspect the difference between the geographical expansion of the Romans and the economic/ideological expansion of America might be less than we’d imagine. I generally agree with the pragmatic view of the inevitability of war that most historians seem to share, and also know that although there are no winners in war (War doesn’t decide who’s right, but who’s left), it will happen anyway. I guess the hope of learning from past mistakes is too much to ask for.

To move on to happier pastures, here’s what makes drummers a special group of people. Just like any other group of people.
“It became a strange sort of obsession. You carried your sticks everywhere and at mealtimes you’d do it with knives and forks, rattling out marches on the refectory tables.”
And
“I got in such a state about it that I would feel sick at the sight of a drum kit”

Apart from music, another primeval, or perhaps Pavlovian, response comes from the sound of a throaty engine. And if the engine is cradled in the bosom of a two-wheeled bad mother of a bike, then forgive me for abandoning a dying kitten in the middle of a busy highway that I may get a better look at it.

Oh, and I watched the end of this year’s rallying again, in Perth. I had noticed how the commentators were commentating upon the high incidence of kangaroo mishaps, and how this might be due to the television helicopters scaring the marsupials on to the rally tracks. Seeing it the second time round, I knew exactly what to look for, and the first to hit a bounding kangaroo actually had a perfect shot from the on-board camera of its tail sticking up whilst dragged along at approx 80 kph for 500 metres or so. I’m a petrolhead who believes in cycling as a mode of transport, so how do we amalgamate the two ideas?

..or White Night, for those not fluent in Russian. I got another invitation to a party at Late Room today from the Russian Society, except this time I don’t know when it is, simply because it’s not mentioned. Oh well, I guess I’ll have to meet them another time.

I like so absolutely have to share this most super-dupery time I had yesterday. I bought a multipak (why don’t they call it multi-pack?) of Cheesy Wotsits and as I sat down to enjoy them bag by miniscule bag, I had the even more delightful opportunity to peruse the amazing jokes they have printed on the back. Having not abased myself before the Altar of the Cheese Snack for an extended period of time, I was unaware of the fact that the jokes had actually been updated from the old favourites. Now, I am bearing in mind that the target audience for this particular (and all other such) snacks are the pre-career criminals (that’s before the age of 15 in this country), but even so…

Q: What is an astronaut’s favourite place on a computer?
A: The space bar.

This joke is just wrong on so many levels, I am experiencing Lost-Rambler-Syndrome just planning my descriptive path through all of them. I actually feel like Picasso must have when he looked up from his Art and realised not all people were as ugly as his mother.
(I was going to use this Wotsit story for a one line throwaway joke, but look how much mileage I got from it!)

Before I go any further, I’ve got a big shout for these mystical little people with the ears like the Palo Alto telescopes who scour the world and select the best of World Music (with capitals, mind you) for my delectation. I got to hear about Oumou Sangare, and I’m now pretty much determined to get her album. The last time I felt that way was when Zoe attacked Phil with a hot iron down at the Pub because Sheila was seeing Barry (I have no clue what I’m on about, but I’m drawing on my less-than-expert knowledge of British Soaps hoping this will draw a picture of Great Moment and Occasion for those Eastenders fans out there). No, actually it was Estrella Morente that last scared me with her…. (ooops Naz, what happened? No more adjectives?). “Where were you when KFJ died?” What about “where were you when I heard Estrella for the first time?”, eh?

Along with these gems comes an insight into altruism. As I read this book about living as a farmer/herder in Andalucia, I see the importance of sharing in the community that amongst these people doesn’t even have a name, or at best is called ‘being neighbourly’. A simple example of ‘What goes around comes around’, perhaps. And this a concept which we are still, thankfully, familiar with. Karma, I’ve heard it called.

After having a shut-eye at 2 a.m. (thanks to fiddling about with a god-awful game given me called ‘Imperialism II ‘ (if that was the second attempt I’d hate to see the first version)), I am rudely awoken this morning by the sound of my phone set full blast on ‘Sultans of swing’. Oh, yes, today’s the busy day. I’m due for a bit of kneeling and grovelling at the bank (their grand payment in to my account didn’t last long), followed by mind-numbing talks at Britannia Building Society, a spot of lunch, and then more of the same at RBS. As I loiter in the library killing some time after a successful raid on the HSBC coffers, I’m told that Britannia have no advisors in that day. Which makes me wonder why I was specifically booked in then. This puts paid to my carefully managed schedule, so following a leisurely amble I turn up at old MBS, where as an already ex-student I’m not unwelcome, although I keep getting “what’s he still doing here, tha’ bloody Lurker” looks from people.
Anyhoo, I’m off now to RBS, to see if they can boldly go where others dare not.

I’ve been taking a quick tour of China-related blogs using my special web-resource called China blog list.
I found a very funny home-made video by a student at Cornell uni.
I also drifted in on a Chinese Calendar. (I love the web. This Chinese calendar, as you can see from the top-left corner of the site, is a Scotland On-line production!!). I was born in the Year of the Snake, so apparently I am

…romantic and deep-thinking, wise and charming, although they tend to dismiss others too quickly and are a bit stingy with money. Ideal jobs include teaching or psychiatry.

Amongst other famous people born this year are Val Doonican and Sir Roger Banister. Sorry, WHO??
Apart from taking insult at that “stingy with money” bit, I also wonder how does it work out that one year everybody has the same characteristics?? I am reminded of a killer scene from Life of Brian, where Brian is born a Capricorn.

Brian’s mother: What star sign is he?
Wise Man #2: Capricorn.
Brian’s mother: Capricorn, eh? What are they like?
Wise Man #2: He is the son of God, our Messiah.
Wise Man #1: King of the Jews.
Brian’s mother: And that’s Capricorn, is it?
Wise Man #3: No, no, that’s just him.
Brian’s mother: Oh, I was going to say, otherwise there’d be a lot of them.

I mentioned this to Karen in an email right now. She’s a big Wallace and Gromit fan, and was really surprised when I told her, oh-so-many years ago, that I wasn’t that well acquainted with them.
But I’ve grown to love the short animation clips that Aardman Animations produces and are shown on ITV. British viewers will be most familiar with this clip they produced for a government campaign about how to behave in the countryside. The ITV website has absolutely nothing on this lovely series, because not every website can be as good as the BBC. Luckily though, the series has its own site, creaturecomforts.tv where you can get a taste of this clever entertainment.
The premise is simple but genius. They record people on the streets giving their opinion about a number of subjects, and then put animal characters to the voices. The result is hilarious!

Okay Rachey attacked me, so heads down, HERE I GO

And to spread the mayhem, I’ve also attacked

Ioannis

and

Jessy

Highlight of the weekend was, of course, the double victory: England beating Argentina in a most unbelievable cliff-hanger of a ride (Rooney scored, Owen twice, so why again do we have Crouch on the pitch??) as well as The Lions beating the Kiwis 38-12, which gives them a chance in the Tri-Nation finals.

Was listening to Jonathan Ross over the radio this weekend, he played a Benny Hill song which had a line that goes something like this
“You were whispering sweet nothings,
She was whispering nothing-doings”
which really cracked me up. I couldn’t find that song on t’Net, so I cannae guarantee the accuracy of the lyrics because it were right early int morning an’ all.

I watched T’ Last Samurai (again), and if you happened to peep into my bedroom late that night you would chance upon a nekkid Robinson Crusoe-esque character swirling and cavorting about with an Ikea cupboard rod in poses that would embarass the most stalwart of Japanese sword-instructors. Ah, but I do tend to get carried away with that film. And the beauty of Japan is breathtaking in that film, especially as one is constantly reminded of the ever-present duality of modernism and traditionalism in that country.

Also obtained a most delectable little book called ‘Driving over lemons: An optimist in Andalucia’ which is quite a pleasant, feel-good read.

Yep, nazmania is set to break all forecasts for revolutionary use of technology in the 21st (am I right?) century! Prediction Pundits, admit you never saw this coming! Through the use of ultra-lightweight space-age materials such as carbon-fibre composites, this sleek new design is guaranteed to break all previous records!! Sit back and watch the unfolding of a new saga in supreme technological acheivements!!

Went down to Manchester’s famous Curry Mile yesterday to dine with Mom and Paul. Here’s an incident that will help you familiarise yourself with Mother Dear. The waiter brings her (second) pint of Kingfisher and absent-mindedly places it on the neighbouring table (his heart just wasn’t in the job that day. But then, it never has been so perhaps it’s foolish of me to expect anything otherwise). At which my mother almost leaps up and ‘says’ (shouts) “That’s mine, that’s MINE!”. Waiter Person, not really on the same frequency as his customers, nor indeed the rest of normally-functioning humanity, casually strolls by. Neighbouring-Table Person then hands me the pint which was in front of his companion, at which His Companion Person goes to Mom “You really wanted that, didn’t you? Imagine if I’d taken a sip!” Not much, you might say. But it’s one of those you-had-to-have-been-there kind of moments. The Embarassment.
Oh, and I put her up as my champion against anybody in the Let’s See How Many Foreign Places I Can Casually Mention I’ve Been To On Holiday To Impress Total Strangers During The Course Of A Meal tournament.

This site is changing with the times, nazmania.co.uk is up and partially running. I will soon be closing down this site, but don’t worry, I’ll keep everyone posted. I have become aware that my earlier presentation was making it difficult for people to read, and therefore admire, my elegant prose, so although I liked the colours, I might stick with the Crop Circles theme. Of course, it goes without saying that I sincerely hope this minor unsettlement in your otherwise dull, routine and monotonous lives will not cause you much discomfort.

Oh, and Dad woke me up with a phone call at ten a.m., yes, that’s TEN a.m., today and belaboured my partially-booted brain for half-an-hour with interest-rates, external-surveyors and the advantages of semi-detatched properties over flats while I hopped around in excrutiatingly embarassing poses trying to restrain my body from giving in to its first-thing-in-the-morning urges. I only hope the Neighbour Folk weren’t looking out their windows!

On a more serious note, I am becoming more and more aware, during the course of my daily trawl through the Interweb place “looking for jobs”, that there are more bans on blogging than I thought. Of course, we all know of harsh, dictatorial regimes where, unlike our Free West, the very routine bodily functions of Joe Public are censored. But John Dale got me thinking about the scale of the censorship phenomenon.

And here’s a selection of opinions on blog censorship.

Admittedly, I have done the journalistic thing and gone for the sensationalist headlines, rather than attempt to balance the sources of opinion. But those other websites were politically correct and BORING!! And of course I haven’t read them all (I barely glanced through them to glean enough information to be able to write the introductory lines to them above. Sometimes all I had to do was rephrase the headings. You can tell I’ve spent a lot of time at university). I only post this topic so you guys can feel that your opinion on this matter is priceless, thereby flooding my blog with your inane remarks and upping my popularity. Muahahaha!!

Hallelujah!! Say it after me now!! Haaaal-lllllleeeee-lujah!! I checked my bank accounts today, (because I got some love-mail in the post from my water supplier on red stationery charging me to the tune of 160 smackeroonies) and Lo and behold! I saw with mine own eyes a Miracle!! Yes unbelievers! Repent now, before the Wrath of the Lord be upon thee!! A Miracle!! My bank has actually paid ME some money into my debit account. The princely sum of 0.01 p has been paid in as ‘net interest’!! Praise be the Lord, and all his people. I shall now settle all my earthly accounts promptly and devote the rest of my corporeal existence to the service of the Lord and his Earthly Minion, the Hongkong Shanghai Banking Corporation.

On another note, apparently women enjoy cartoons more than men. More specifically, New Scientist informs us it’s because initially women’s “expectation of being amused was lower”. I have often observed that men are more prepared to laugh at the absurd. But the question I ask is: What is the reason behind women having low expectations, and is it a trend that encompasses everything in a woman’s life?

I am also informed that Europe’s first Venus probe (that’s a spacecraft, not a sex toy), the Venus Express (how original!!) has been launched today.

Oh, and Jazz lovers, check out Bill Evans (if you haven’t already): Piano, with bass and drums. Simple, pero elegante! I’m ripping myself a huge collection of music gracias to the Manchester Central Library. Also got Jeff Buckley’s ‘Grace’; and although I prefer the live ‘Mystery White Boy’, you can see how he developed some of his songs as Grace is the earlier album.

Going swimming again at 7. The girls have pulled out. So they’re saved the trouble of having to pretend like they’re not with Mr. Bozo who’s flapping around like a puppy on acid. I just had a Joey-tribute sandwich, Italian meatballs (as opposed to the original Fijian ones, I suppose) in a rich tomato sauce with ‘mozarella’ (processed ordinary) cheese. After washing it down with a thick chocolate milkshake, I fear I have only added to my bone-density problems, especially around my midriff (I know there are no bones there except for the lumbar bones) which is why, I presume, I don’t float so well. Or at all.

As some of you may know, this weblog will soon be shifting to another site. What this means is that:-
1) I will no longer be piggy-backing on our isom site, as I have been deemed old enough to stop suckling and go foraging for myself.
2) Errr, that’s about it.
Of course, you junkies will have to type in a new URL (that be the wwwww thingy you type in the browser), it’s going to be www.xxxxxxxxxxx.co.uk. (I can’t type the real add here untill I’ve got it in case some jealous nobody buys it and then tries to sell it to me at an exhorbitant price that may or may not include the sale of mine grandmother dear)

Jill and I heard some real blasts-from-the-past at Ioannie’s yesterday. We went ASDA shopping, and bought 3 pizzas for dinner, as well as a gorgeous pesto’n'cheese ciabatta. Which we sat down to eat while having a moan about life, washed down with Bud. Then we went through I’s music files. Songs like

‘Mr Vain’ by Culture Beat,
‘Viva forever’ by Spice girls with Pavarotti,
‘Rhythm is a dancer’ by Snap, ‘It’s a rainy day’ by Ice MC ,
‘Reach for the stars’ by S Club 7,
‘No limit’ by 2Unlimited,
‘That’s why (you go away)’ by Michael Learns To Rock or MLTR as I’m told they are currently known.

It were a right riot, I tell thee!!!
(As a sidenote, I see on the official MLTR page that they’ve just had 50, 000 fans come to their concert in India this October).

I watched Shrek yesterday after I got home, didn’t find it much funny apart from a few classic Eddie Murphy moments (like when Donkey’s twitching before waking up he goes “Yeah baby, you know I like that” in his dream!). I could see in my mindseye little children roaring outrageously at the karate stunts of Princess Fiona (if that is indeed her real name) for example, but it just looked too manufactured to me.

By the way, if you look to the left of this blog, you will see my new tagline (in the little puke-yellow box). This is what I used to get threatened with as a kid. Rather counter-intuitive, dontchathink? Another Indian proverb = “Agree, don’t agree, I’m your guest” which is about those sticky guests that invite themselves to stay. And for balance, a Russian one = “Without rest, and a horse doesn’t skip” (I’m laughing as I write this) which means ‘all work and no play…’

Was just thinking of sharing a moment of reflection with you guys. I used to listen the The Eagles a lot when I was a kid, and I know all the lyrics to all the songs (everyone has a claim to fame. This is mine). Every now and then some poignant lines springs forth randomly (but often quite relevantly). Here’s an example.

“What do you do when your dreams come true
And it’s not quite like you had planned?”
From ‘After the thrill is gone’

“There’s talk on the street, it’s there to remind you
That it doesn’t really matter which side you’re on.
You’re walking away and they’re talking behind you.
They will never forget you till somebody new comes along.”
From ”New kid in town’

Nope, not at all. Managed to get some swimming done (to paraphrase the words of the great Ali, “I float like a lead weight, sink like a Russian Oscar-class atomic submarine”), which left my shoulders aching from pulling all 13 stone of me through the water.
Also went into town with Ioannis after swimming, and after a whopping great spicy chilli at The Footage, to see if something could be done about some person’s birthday. I bought an Asterix comic (the first one, ‘Asterix The Gaul’), and a Tom Holt omnibus, whcih I am presently working my way through.

Hey hey hey!!! It’s Lekha’s birthday today, many wishes for whatever it is you plan to do and all that.

Mahesh has got a weblog now, he’s an ex-Mancunian back to living in Brussels at the mo’, for those who don’t know him. He joins my ‘Links League’ table at the bottom, let’s see what he can do to win my favour!!

Looking for a new house now, since I’m leaving the one I currnently live in. Although the reason for my moving is ostensibly that the owners want to re-decorate, the reality is that I’ve extracted just about as much use as anybody can from it, and I leave it, like a cast-aside second skin, for greener (cleaner) pastures.

As I was lying on my bed, a random memory clamoured for attention from the murky depths of the slush that I like to call my brain. My sis and I use to amuse ourselves literally translating Hindi proverbs to English. My favourite? “Black letter equal to a buffalo”; meaning to an illiterate person (of which, you might be surprised, there are quite a few in India) a black aphabetic character might as well be a buffalo for all the sense it makes.

I hadn’t heard Bruce Dickenson’s ‘Tears of dragon’ for approx 7 years, so it was a pleasant surprise to hear it this weekend.

Sorry I’ve been away for so long. I know you guys are now locked in a dependency relationship, where the unwritten contract is that I continue to provide you with a source of amusement that, albeit temporarily, removes you from the hustle and bustle of everyday routine and allows you to look up to me and sigh in despair, thinking “When will I ever be like HIM???”

I got ‘The Dilbert Future’ from the library yesterday, along with some other high-brow philosophy books that I’m not going to bother you with the titles of. A quote is therefore in order here, so I quote Scott Adams, cartoonist (of Dilbert fame).

Thousands of years ago, women figured out they could disguise their preferences as “religion” and control gullible men that way. In one part of the world, I imagine the conversation went like this:

Husband: I’ll be back in an hour. I’m going to covet my neighbor’s wife,
Wife: You can’t do that.
Husband: Why not?
Wife (thinking fast): Um… God said so. He’s an omnipotent being. If you don’t obey him you’ll burn in hell.
Husband: Whoa, that was close one. Thanks for warning me… How about if I kill her husband first?
Wife: Ooh, bad news on that, too.

And I know it should be spelt neighbour, but he’s American. ‘Nuf said!

I’m supposed to be making applications, selling myself, power lunching, market re-structuring, blah blah. Instead, I’ve usually got my feet up, a couple of books strewn around, telly on and a few take-out numbers close at hand! Vive la Pigginess! (It’s an Early French term that has fallen into disuse over the ages). Pour l’example (another instance of my casual, off-hand switchery between languages that demonstrates my mastery thereof) I left home at 3pm today to get stuff sorted out, and by 5 I’m already hooked up to my IntraVenous drip and blubbering away.

I know I promised Walter Mosley a while ago, but I’ll do that tomorrow. As a taster, I’ll tell you it’s about the phenomenon of groups keeping each other informed as an alternative to media dependance and brainwashing.